Mr RedBerries is slipping away. Slipping out of my fingers, away from my soul.
I don't know whether to let him go, or to fight for him.
I want him to be happy. InshaAllah he'll always be happy.
I want him to be happy with me. It's hard that he doesn't feel that too. Or he's fighting it.
I want to fight for him. To tell him, "We're meant to be together. Forever."
Everything in my life is suffering right now. Honestly, after all I've been through, I didn't think I would be in a position where I would be running after a boy. I thought I had protected myself better, but I failed. Once again, my heart is on the line. My soul is being torn. Except this time, I know what the pain feels like...I don't want to feel it again.
My experience is part of the problem. I know the pain, and the heartache. I don't want to let Mr RedBerries go, because I think he's the one for me. Another part of me thinks I just don't want the pain...that I can't handle the rejection. SubhanAllah. We forget how weak we are as humans.
My experience also leads me to think that maybe Mr RedBerries deserves better. Deserves more. Deserves everything that he gives. I don't deserve Mr RedBerries, and maybe he's realised that.