Friday, 7 January 2011

Slipping Away

Mr RedBerries is slipping away. Slipping out of my fingers, away from my soul.

I don't know whether to let him go, or to fight for him.

I want him to be happy. InshaAllah he'll always be happy.

I want him to be happy with me. It's hard that he doesn't feel that too. Or he's fighting it.

I want to fight for him. To tell him, "We're meant to be together. Forever."

Everything in my life is suffering right now. Honestly, after all I've been through, I didn't think I would be in a position where I would be running after a boy. I thought I had protected myself better, but I failed. Once again, my heart is on the line. My soul is being torn. Except this time, I know what the pain feels like...I don't want to feel it again.

My experience is part of the problem. I know the pain, and the heartache. I don't want to let Mr RedBerries go, because I think he's the one for me. Another part of me thinks I just don't want the pain...that I can't handle the rejection. SubhanAllah. We forget how weak we are as humans.

My experience also leads me to think that maybe Mr RedBerries deserves better. Deserves more. Deserves everything that he gives. I don't deserve Mr RedBerries, and maybe he's realised that.


Salaam

8 comments:

R.A. said...

"i don't deserve mr.RedBerries, and maybe he's realised that"
that was a very intense line-- spoke volumes to me wallahi
(that is, i daresay it would be more intense if i knew the story behind "redberries" for it only seems to be a humorous name now that seems out of place with the seriousness of tone :(
& as i have not th epleasure of followign you from the beggining, i cannot possibly know what it means!
love to read this!
& inshAllah Allahswt will grant you what is best <3
much sisterly love,
Ruwa

рεяfεcтℓγ▪ιмpзяfзcт said...

hell no! no no no no no no no !!! Don't you EVER EVER EVER EVER tell yourself "someone deserves better than me" If you're not confident in yourself? Who else will be? Sis I'm not gonna give you any sort of "wordly" advice instead I'ma hop on that religious advice yo!

Pray salat istakhara (if you haven't) and let Allah be the judge of this. These are one of those times where yeah you can go with your gut but it's better to leave it to the wisdom of allah

jnana said...

If he is slipping away, let him go. It hurts like hell, I know. But think about how you would feel knowing he is with you but because you didn't let him go? Be strong, God will help you be even stronger when He sees you act with patience and maturity. Letting go does not mean Mr Redberries will go. It means you're giving him the freedom to make his own decision. And God works in mysterious ways.

Splendid said...

Yea!! Don't ever think lowly of yourself. No, no, never- for only Allah SWT knows what we deserve and who we deserve and what we're worth. If he ever goes away, take solace in knowing that you cannot tie him to yourself, and if he goes, it is for the better- for both of you Inshallah.

I'm gonna give you the age old and cliche but very sound advice- If it's meant to happen it will! In any case you are not to feel guilty or inadequate about anything!

Trust in Allah. All will be well inshallah.

ishashamai said...

Please don't think so. It does hurt, pray and put your trust in Allah Ta'aala. He will provide a way out and His choice is always the best.
I really love your blog, its awesome! MashaAllah! All will be alright inshaAllah, just be a lil more patient :) *hugz*

Love and Sugar said...

Alhamdulilah the sisters have given good advice above. Make lots of dua, prayer and ask Allah (swt) to help you. He is the only one who can help you in this case.

InshaAllah it will all turn out for the best, you'll see one day.

single4now said...

As salaamualaikum,

I'm sorry to hear that the person you finally felt was "the one" doesn't feel the same. I can only imagine how you feel, however, I agree with jnana. If you've prayed istikhara, then perhaps this is the answer to your salah. For whatever reason, he is moving away from you, it may be what is in your best interest in the long term.

As you said to me, Allah is the best of planners. Just have faith something better is in store for you. :)

hijabi.sailoress said...

salams,

please update us. :)

xoxoxoox