Friday, 24 September 2010

Getting to know him = Scared

I'm a liberal kinda girl. I speak to boys. I listen to music. I am more commonly seen without a mahrem than with.

So, a couple of months ago, this guy I almost-friend, a good aquaintance...asked me if I'd be interested in getting to know him better. All above board obviously. He wanted to ask my dad's permission if he could talk to me a little more, and have a couple of chaperoned outings etc so we could see whether we'd be compatible in getting married.

I'll be honest about a couple of things.

1) I think this boy is awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. He's the bee's knees to me.
2) I'm torn between admiration and annoyance that he wanted my dad's permission to talk to me. Admiration because he's trying to be halal all the way, but annoyance because I don't like my parents to be involved in my business. Less so when a decision hasn't even been made.

But I let him ask my dad and all that, because I'm not the type of person to get in the way of someone's good intentions. And if I had said, "Nah, it's alright, we can talk without my dad's knowledge," then it comes accross as a little shifty. If some boy said that to me, I would think he's just looking for a female companion to pass the time. Plus, I'm trying to be a better Muslim, and I want to have baraqah in any relationship so best to start on the right foot.

I would like to re-iterate that I think he's great. If he texts me, I am literally grinning from ear to ear. Not because this is my first close relationship with a dude (that's another blog post all together) but because he makes me laugh, and all the little things he says, the inner part of me really agrees. He's a complete inspiration to me, because despite so many people not having a good opinon of him, he's like a secret samaritan, always doing good deeds behind closed doors. The only reason I find out is because I happened to talk to someone who he had majorly helped out - sacrificed his time, money, and education.

I'll bare my soul a little...he intimidates me.

His intentions, his humour, his wit, his intelligence, his knowledge, his life plans.....sA if I was half the person he is I would be blessed. And his humility, sA, I just don't have any more words to describe the awesomeness.

So things have been going well for a while, and he suggested that his parents call my parents...and I panic.

I say, 'No.'


I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm a commitment-phobe.

When he's so perfect, why am I so scared?

Note: I've added a little clarification to this post.


Anonymous said...

aw alf mabrook I was waiting for that final happy post where you found 'him', well insha'allah this is 'him'. Hmm commitment well if you can see yourself spending your life with him and not think 'oh shit I have to spend my life with him and him only? No crushes no nothing" then you're okay but if you think that then.... :|. My cousin also has that similar problem her boyfriend see's her as the brightest star under sunlight but everybody around her HATES him or think's he's not good for her but their relationship is still going strong. Hey they ain't marrying the guy or spending time out of their life (this applies to you n her) so why should they have the balls/right to say soemthing about it right? Haha and I so agree with you about the whole parents issue. But for me it'd be like ..... Why ? Why? are you going to ask my parents?! Unless you're going to ask for my hand and want to meet them before hand then I don't think they really really need to know

Love and Sugar said...

Assalamualaikum sis :)

mashaAllah I am truly happy for you...but I'm just going to speak from a third person's perspective. Usually when we fall for someone, we don't really see the bigger picture cause we're all caught up in the moment. InshaAllah I don't mean to offend you in any way, just want to give my honest opinion thats all. :)

From what I can tell from your post, he sounds like the perfect candidate! mashaAllah but please keep in mind that he might seem like the One but we truly never know who's good for us. So I'd try to take it easy for now and take as much time as you need to get to know him inside and out. Nobody is perfect after all, only Allah (swt) is the Perfect one. I just care about you sis and I don't want to see you get hurt down the road, inshaAllah that wont happen. :) And also another reason why he might seem like the one you want to be with is cause Shaytan is always the third person when you two are emailing/talking/sms-ing without a mahram, it just takes little steps and then before you know it, you are joking/flirting etc. Sis, from the bottom of my heart, please remember that there is a guideline when speaking to non-mahram men and inshaAllah we should strive our best to please Allah (swt)

Obviously the best thing to do would be for him to approach your parents and discuss your future hehe but thats if you both are ready, have made istikhara and know that's the right thing to do.

inshaAllah May Allah (swt) make it easy for you, give the one who will be good for you in this life and the next.

Kav-Lee said...

Glad to see you found someone

If your feeling intimidated then just think that must OBVIOUSLY think you're awsome if he wants to know you! And no one is perfect and his good habits will inshallah rub off on you and make you a better muslimah.

But as the other sister said, you need to keep it halal otherwise shaytaan will taint it and trick you into developing an haram relationship

Keep us updated on the outcome hun!

single4now said...

I know this is an old post, but any reason why you thought it would be a bad idea for his parents to call yours? I'm assuming our parents are similar so I do like to get to know a little about a guy before I can introduce him to my mom. Like basics which are really important to her. Even then she makes faces. lol.