How big is too big an age gap?
Back in my parents' day, 10 years was a decent age gap, an acceptable amount of years between two spouses. 10 years...that's a whole decade. Some might even say that's a difference of a generation...like someone born from the 70s and someone born from the 80s. Different ideals, different outlook on life, different idea of where we'll be in 50 years, and where they would like to be in 10.
But it worked. My parents have a 8 year age gap between them, and they've managed over 25 years of marriage, so surely it can't be that big a deal right? In fact, one of their extremely close friends have TWENTY years between the husband and spouse. T W E N T Y. And Alhamdulillah, their marriage is one of the most stable I've seen. I can only assume this works so extremely well, because they each have a different perspective to bring to the table. Their difference in age provides a oft-lacking balance to their relationship. And being aware of the age gap, and therefore the potential sources of difference in opinion, I can only assume it leads to a better understanding of compromise and empathy with the other person.
Nowadays, when I've been on the marriage circuit, even 5 years seems like a large period of time. Maybe it's because I'm still relatively young, but I just can't even imagine marrying someone who's more than five years older than I am.
So why ask the question? Why is it relevant?
Because of the current state of affairs. The differences between the generations.
We have this issue with the older generation (and by older, I mean mothers and father/aunties and uncles), who have no problem with a large age gap between a guy and a girl. In fact, some parents actively encourage a couple of years inbetween the couple to ensure that the guy is 'mature and stable' before he gets married. This does have a practical basis, don't get me wrong, guys are more financially stable as they get older, and they do mature slower than girls, so having an older guy often makes sense. The problem that I'm currently trying to get my head around is
a) how 'stable' does a guy have to be before he's ready to get married?
b) how mature does a guy need to be before it's deemed acceptable for him to get married?
Maturity is not dependent on age. At all. I've met guys who are 30 who still act like teenagers (not that this is a bad thing btw). And stability does not necessarily come with age either. I've also met guys who have been financially independent since they were 16, and have wise with their money, and are self-sufficient in their early twenties. So does age really matter at all?
I guess the reason I bring this whole issue up is because of a guy. A guy I've never met, and probably never will meet.